Confessions of a Competitive Speeder

I like to drive fast…sometimes really fast. And sometimes driving really fast can get you into trouble. This became my reality about four years ago when I received two tickets in one week. Not my proudest confession! Thankfully, on both occasions the officers showed me some grace and only wrote me up for going 10 miles over the speed limit. (We won’t mention how fast I was really going!) Nevertheless, the consequences of my need for speed incurred charges to the state of California, as well as higher insurance rates for several years.

I am also competitive, sometimes really competitive. Early on in my relationship with my husband he decided to stop playing board games with me because I was a poor loser…and a poor winner. Ouch! My competitive nature undoubtedly cost me, and my husband, several hours of enjoyable entertainment. We are just now getting to the point to where we can have family game nights…about 20 years later!

Suffice it to say, I am a competitive speeder. So, what does that even mean?

• I am the girl who competes with my GPS to get to a location faster than dictated to me by Sammi, the name my daughter gave to the Google Maps voice on my Samsung since I don’t have Alexa or Siri. (I’m sure there is some other name, but I now refer to her as Sammi.) And sadly, when Sammi “wins” I pout!
• I am the girl who races the trains travelling on the tracks adjacent to the road I am on…and celebrates when I “win.” Of course, I dismiss the fact that the conductor of the train has no clue that we are “racing”, and instead chooses to safely follow his (or her) itinerary.
• I am the girl who sometimes unapologetically berates (in the solitude of my own vehicle where they have no chance of hearing me) other drivers for not driving a certain number of miles over the speed limit.

Although I truly do enjoy the feel of a revved-up engine under me, it can also be very stressful. One of the main reasons I drive fast is that I try to pack too much into my day, and I’m always in a hurry to get to the next stop. Also, I procrastinate…to the point that I have to speed to make it to my destination on time. And if this girl is upset, the pedal hits the metal…much harder than the posted limit.

Another consequence of driving too fast is the compulsion to constantly look in the rear-view mirror. Of course, being a responsible driver involves occasional glances in the rear-view mirror so that you are aware of your surroundings. However, focusing too much on what’s behind you keeps your eyes off of the traffic ahead of you, as well as any potential obstacles that could cause an accident.

God has been talking to me about this quite a bit lately. Actually, if I am honest, He’s been trying to get my attention about my driving habits for several years…at least four… but I’ve been going too fast to listen.

As I’ve been focusing more on my devotions lately, I’ve been trying to be more aware of what God is telling me. A couple weeks ago I finally listened to His promptings to slow down. The Message version of Jeremiah 2:25a says, “Slow down. Take a deep breath. What’s the hurry? Why wear yourself out? Just what are you after anyway?” As I read these words, I could hear God saying them to me…personally to me.

I had to ask myself, what is the big hurry? Why do I allow myself to get into a frenzy time and again, with no real benefit? Is one extra payment (I get paid per job, not by the hour) worth the adverse effects the stress wreaks on my health?

After admitting that this illustrious need to cram as much into my day, without considering red lights, slow drivers and unexpected delays, was not only harming me physically (elevated blood pressure) and mentally (stress and anxiety), but it was also harming me spiritually.

You see, I was showing deliberate disregard for God’s promptings. I was putting my agenda before His. I was essentially saying, “Not Thy will, but my will.” This sin was preventing me from experiencing peace, the peace that only comes from obeying God and showing Him reverence.

For the longest time I have been saying I want to be closer to God…I want to know God’s will for my life…I want to KNOW God. But I’ve come to realize that these are just empty words if I am not willing to take action to seek God’s guidance and follow His promptings. I have to stop and “Be Still” long enough to hear His whispers to my soul. I have to be humble enough to admit that my ways are not the best ways. I have to be open enough to let the seeds of His Word take root, grow and flourish in me. If I am not willing to truly be a participant in this relationship I so desperately seek, then I will always have an emptiness yearning to be filled by God’s companionship.

So, a couple of weeks ago I decided to take heed to God’s direction. I repented for not seeking Him first, and I didn’t fill my day with more stops than the hours I had allotted. And on this day as I was travelling along one of my regular routes, I saw more police officers than I normally do in a month. On Hwy 166 there were six cars pulled over within a two-mile stretch, plus I saw two other patrol cars drive past me in the opposite direction. Farther down Hwy 166 I came across rumble strips and flaggers…twice.

Normally I would have been one of the six cars that were pulled over, and would have thrown fits at the road work, but not on this day. On this day I felt peace. Despite all of the delays I still had plenty of time to spare to get my work done. I was able to turn up my worship music and praise God for my blessings. I am convinced that because I chose to slow down and obey God, He placed those obstacles along my path that day as a confirmation that He heard my pleas for His direction.

Since that day I have continued to slow down on the road. I feel joy in letting cars merge in front of me instead of trying to speed up to prevent them from doing so. I enjoy looking at my surroundings, more so in front of me than behind me. I am more relaxed and at peace, not just on the road. The peace is infiltrating other areas of my life, likely because I am not so stressed on getting to my next stop. I am still competitive though, but now instead of racing the speedometer, I compete with my gas mileage gauge with an added benefit of less money spent on gas!

Dear Lord, thank You for Your continued promptings and sweet whispers to my soul. Please help me continue to slow down enough to wait on You. Please guide my steps and my travels and fill me with Your peace when I obey. Amen.

Verses for reflection:

Come to me, all who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you, and learn from me, for I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light. Matthew 11:28-30 ESV

Be still before the Lord and wait patiently for him; fret not yourself over the one who prospers in his way, over the man who carries out evil devices! Psalm 37:7 ESV

“Woe to the obstinate children,” declares the Lord, “to those who carry out plans that are not mine, forming an alliance, but not by my Spirit, heaping sin upon sin” Isaiah 30:1 NIV

Do not wear yourself out to get rich; do not trust your own cleverness. Proverbs 23:4 NIV

Be still, and know that I am God. Psalm 46:10a ESV