Stained Glass Beauty
Life can be hard…I mean really hard…especially with all of the expectations I place on myself.
I long to be the perfect wife, you know the one who has the perfectly clean house and gourmet meal ready each night at a reasonable time. The one with a body that my husband desires. The one with a submissive attitude, yet strong and emotionally sound. The one who not only has it all together at home, but also contributes substantially to the household finances. Oh, she would be ideal for my husband, but in my world she just doesn’t exist, which means I don’t measure up.
As a mom, I have always tried to live up to my internalized model of what a good mom should be…nurturer, counselor, encourager, protector, provider, and so much more. I was the Girl Scout leader, the Cub Scout leader, soccer coach, PTA member, children’s church volunteer. I played the role of what I thought it meant to be “Super Mom”, but, oh how often I failed…miserably. I lost patience and screamed. I got frustrated and criticized. I couldn’t always be there when it mattered, especially for my older girls. Now that my kids are adults, I try to be adviser and friend as I navigate the transition from guardian to letting go of the reigns. And in this new role I still fail, I fail to be the example they need, and I still fail to always be there when they need me.
I yearn to live up to the image of the “Proverbs 31” woman. I would love to see myself as noble and a blessing to others, a woman who only brings my husband good and not harm. I desperately want to be recognized as a hard worker, a prosperous investor, a provider to my family. I should be more generous and be able to offer more wisdom. How much more valuable would I be to my family if I was domestic, in each and every aspect of my life, like the woman described in the bible? I compare…and I don’t even come close to measuring up.
But after taking a closer look at the description of the woman in Proverbs 31 I realize that the most important quality described comes in the second half of verse 30: “but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised.” This doesn’t mean I should be afraid of God, but I should be in awe of God and trust Him with my life, including my image. Admittedly this is not instinctive for me, but this is something that I could do…someone I could be!
Although I still struggle with not being enough, when I choose to look at who God says I am… fearfully and wonderfully made (Psalm 119:14), chosen by Him (John 15:16), created in His image (Genesis 1:27), His beloved child (which means I am a princess!) (John 1:12)…I feel a little more worthy and a lot more valuable. When I chastise and berate myself, I am declaring that my opinion of who I am is more important than who God says I am. That is not showing Him reverence. His word tells me that He can take all the broken pieces of my life…all my doubts, failures and hang ups…and use them for good (Romans 8:28), but only if I let Him illuminate and radiate through me.
If you struggle with your identity and worth as I often do, I pray that you can start to see yourself as cherished and valuable. Believe me when I tell you that although you do have flaws, you are beautifully broken, a growing mosaic of all the opportunities and setbacks of this world, soldered together by the love, acceptance and blood of Jesus. Like me, you are a kaleidoscope of seemingly random, fractured pieces that shine brightly when viewed through the scope of God’s grace and forgiveness.
Think about how much more beautiful and valuable a masterfully created stained glass window is than a plain pane of glass. You are like that stained glass window…a work of art waiting to be illuminated…dark shards contrasting beautifully with the lighter brighter pieces…with scars like the soldering, strengthened by the fires of life…all held together by the solid lead of a God who wraps Himself around each isolated area of your life tightly, walking with you and protecting you from the evil of this world. And if one colorful pane gets shattered, He will continue to protect the other panes of your life because you are His treasure. You are loved. You are valuable. You are cherished. You are held in the hands of the Lord most high. Be blessed and let your beauty shine.
Lord, please help me to see myself as You see me. Please help me to not compare myself to the images I have built up in my head, but instead to seek You and believe that I am as loved and treasured as You say I am. Help me to let Your light shine through my brokenness. I want to be a beacon of Your love and grace to others. Thank You for using my failures for good. Amen.
Verses for reflection:
Your eyes saw my unformed substance; in your book were written, every one of them, the days that were formed for me, when as yet there was none of them. How precious to me are your thoughts, O God! How vast is the sum of them! Psalm 139:16-17
You have made them a little lower than the angels and crowned them with glory and honor. Psalm 8:5
